I want to start doing more regular posts with a collection of updates, discoveries, notes, favorites.

Mel giving me flat tires when I wear sandals

Mel is sneaky and likes to step deep into the back of my sandal making me almost trip, then barefoot with an abandoned sandal a step behind me. I kind of love thinking of her chuckling to herself over it.

Daydreaming of Halloween

I’ve been weirdly excited for Halloween - like thinking about it at least 5 times a day. Halloween isn’t celebrated here, or at least not the way we do in the states. It’s my sister’s favorite holiday and I’ve never thought of it as mine, but maybe I need to reconsider. I am eager for the cool air of fall and moody cloudiness, the witchy decorations and music, the cinnamon roll candle smells (I had the perfect one that I nursed for a good 3 years) and pumpkin patch get togethers with hot apple cider and muddy shoes as we find the right pumpkin. Trader Joe’s pumpkin spice everything. I will for sure carry on Halloween traditions here.

French-Brain

My brain mixes Portuguese and French, so sometimes/all-the-time I try to pronounce words with a French accent or will mix up the word for something with the French version.

Daily Dose of Enya

Enya is always playing in the lobby where we live which makes me laugh in my head every single time. I grew up to Enya, as apparently did every single other person. It was always the music we’d play getting ready for family holiday dinners. It’s a weird merging of worlds and times.

Hard Lessons in Decision Making

A note to myself, that may be worth sharing. Decisions can have profound life changing impacts, but don’t be crippled by that fact and stuck in limbo between different decisions (Oh how I know this state!). When you feel the impulse for change, listen to it and weigh your options seriously. Don’t dismiss it, instead trust that that voice in you deserves your attention - maybe not your action, but at least your full attention. Show yourself that you respect your own voice by sitting quiet and hearing it.

Try to get honest with yourself if that impulse is your gut guiding you, or fear. Are you using a lot of statements that reflect fears when weighing your decision? (“I don’t know if I can…” “But what if….”). If so, try to think of ways you can turn those fears into direct actions. If you “don’t know if you can do x” - what would you need in order to do it? And then see if you can figure out how to get that. Or if you’re worried about “but what if x happens” - think of what you would do if your worst fear was realized. Are those consequences something you’d be up for potentially facing? Can you plan in a way that would prevent, or at least greatly lower the chances of your worst fear being realized? Try to think of what you want, outside of feelings of obligation or pressure. What consequences could you accept? What ones couldn’t you? What are your biggest values and which option is the better example of living out those values? And if you’re still torn between choices, maybe consider that there are even more options than those you’re considering that might be a better fit.

But then make a decision and move on. Deal with the consequences and trust that you made the best decision you could in that moment. You could always have gone a different route, but each path always has a bevy of pros and cons - you can’t escape cons. Learn to fully commit to decisions as a way of showing how much you trust yourself. I’ve always joked about how I’m the type that is always “one foot out the door” and that’s something I don’t want to identify with anymore. I want to be decisive if for nothing more than reducing the heartache of feeling torn and moving more towards navigating life with ease.

Hopes for Your Future

I don’t use the astrology app Co-star that much, but my arms are wide open to advice in general, these days in particular, so I opened it up today. This is what it said:

I modified it to be a solo activity and wrote down some hopes for my future. Some are things I want to continue to hold space for and some are things I want to welcome into my world. I can see them as being good guiding principles, good things to check in with regularly to make sure I’m headed the right direction. I already know the perfect jar to keep them safe in. Let me know if you do it, too! I’ll share a few things I wrote down below.

I hope in the future:

I lean into fears more and spend less time sitting with fear/overwhelm.
I nourish myself, in all senses of the word.
I trust my decisions. There is a sense of peace with my choices - they’re intentional and not by chance.
I am an active creator and supporter of other’s creating, too.
I am capable of creating work I’m proud of.
I feel a deep sense of freedom. I am not beholden to anyone and the people in my world support and encourage my freedom, and I the same.
I feel rooted and surrounded by community. That is the basis of LUSH living for me.
My relationships are so rich and full - they are big pieces of my contentedness.
I feel full of inspiration and love.
I have work-life balance down more often than not.
I have indulgent routines (they can be small) and self check-ins I build my days around. I look forward to them.
I trust myself to follow through.
I choose to seek more beauty and brightness. I also accept when they appear in unexpected ways that might not be obviously recognizable at first. Those states are flexible.
I’m a gentle, but strong person.
I accept feeling sad as just part of the human experience and not something to avoid at all costs. It is simply a part of the equation and ok.
I love all the people in my world - I love and am deeply interested in people. I seek connection.
I am emotionally grounded, steady.
I have well established, healthy coping skills. I know how to calm my mind.
I’m adaptable and welcome change. I seek experience.
I feel deeply connected to the seasons, nature, the moon, my body.

Hopes for the Future & Notes